Sayo Aluko
So, this is him.
A few days from now, the curtains will fall on the 6-year tenure of Nigeria's arguably most-tediuos President, Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan(GEJ). Alas, Nigerians got to meet the man they so much expected a lot from, judging by the moonlight tales that heralded his emergence. But, did they get what they bargained for throughout their 6-year date with this lucky one?
TENURE ELONGATION-GATE
Just days into his tenure as President, GEJ stirred the nation's legislative nest with a misplaced request seeking tenure elongation for the office of the President. The country at the time was in dire need of an unusual form of governance, considering the "sick" and interjected Musa Yar'adua tenure. (Now, I remember Turai and Aondoakaa, two names Nigerians rightfully fought in favour of GEJ). But unluckily, we had a "lucky" GEJ who practically spent the most of his first 4 months on a silly quest that expectedly ended futile.#FalseStart
PEACE IN THE DELTA
One could rightly argue that the infamously combustive Niger-delta region saw relative peace under the GEJ era, though, it seemed not farfetched. It is a peace we could call "nepotistic" peace. The Presidency had cause to gleefully consolidate on the amnesty programme, locking the triggers and taming the innate belligerence across Nigeria's riverine horizons. I witnessed firsthand, the success and effect of the amnesty programme, when I served in the region back in 2012. The programme has virtually all the male population in the region enlisted on it; as young as 10-year olds get as least 65 thousand naira monthly for doing nothing, older ones get higher amounts, while some get vocational and academic scholarships. That as much explains the peace, albeit, dotted with pockets of vandalism within a controlled frame. #NaWeWe
THAT ASUU STRIKE - Oh! talk about messy.
How can one forget how the GEJ government, just like the past regimes, also dilly-dallied with education? 2013, the year when both university and polytechnic students had to spend a cumulative stretch of 14 months at home, mastering idleness. My indignation at the time drove me to write an article that tried to point out the needlessness of strikes and the malevolence in negotiating education (Find here). Whew! Those were dark dark days for the ones called the future of Nigeria. #NegotiatingEducation?
THE ONE THAT hasn't GOT AWAY
The GEJ's FG chose an acute way to remove fuel subsidy on the first day of the year in 2012, and that singular action has been a source of nationwide confusion till date. We still seem caught up in the web of half-truths and true lies woven by the GEJ's government and a school of greedy piranhas called oil marketers. Back then, after weeks of nationwide protests sparked by fuel subsidy removal, our highly exalted democratic Presidency undemocratically employed the services of soldiers to disperse the protesters. GEJ was forced to restore the subsidy gradually, but, the nation hasn't been purged of this mess that just won't go away. #OccupyNaija
BOKO HARAM: wasn't an "Haram" after all....
They kept happening again and again and again. The northern part of the country saw an uncontrolled rise in insurgent-related violence and crimes under the Jonathanian era. It was the face of insecurity in the land and also the marker for laxity on government's part. Save some few weeks to the general elections in 2015, the Boko Haram sect had their way all throughout GEJ's years, and have killed close to 9,000 Nigerians, official numbers say. The Grand Commander of Nigeria's armed forces couldn't stop them, and kept killing the Boko Haram leader until Nigerians got tired of his obituary. #killedSHEKAUagain?
234 - THE NUMBER THAT SADLY REMAINS IRRETRIEVABLE.
Gradually, it is becoming a myth, albeit, a hugely wrong one. 234 Chibok girls abducted since forever under GEJ's watch, and we longer blush about it. Quite sad. Rather than being actionable and less tardy, the GEJ government always seemed so drunk in love with propaganda, and it did prove costly in Chibok. The military misled, denied, showboated, lacked intelligence, and at a point politicized; GEJ's FG acted nonchalant despite the worldwide outrage, and seemed to need a Malala Yousuffzai intervention before it could understand its responsibility towards finding the girls. #WeStillSearching
THE DANCE THAT WENT SOUTH.
Was it Azonto now or Shoki? I can't seem to remember. Barely 24 hours after the abduction of the Chibok girls, pictures of our dear GEJ, dancing at a political rally in Kano viralized the Internet. As expected, it fueled more outrage in the polity, and if this were a clime known for taking actions based on ratings, GEJ would have been impeached, judging by the way his ratings further plummeted for dancing "southwardly". #MisplacedPriority
PATIENCE, OH PATIENCE. ..
Unbridled, uncouth, uncivil and unlearned, ill virtues of GEJ's wife, the nation's First lady. Patience Faka Jonathan, I'm actually short for words to describe her role throughout this 6-year date with GEJ, at best, she was just that petulant waitress who worsened the date. Someone once called her "Nigeria's natural disaster" and I couldn't agree more. She uttered everything but said nothing. From Abuja, to Rivers, down to Lagos and Oyo, she got infamous for fueling unnecessary vendetta, thereby obstructing governance everywhere she went. Though, for those who didn't mind, she offered pieces of comic relief that could last a lifetime. Google recently said that Patience's Chibok-related "DiaRizGod" clip is the most-watched YouTube video in Nigeria....that's a plus for Jonathanians, fair enough. #bigLOL
NATIONAL CONFERENCE: Yet another Forgettable Farce.
Who even readily remembers that we had those 4 months of farcical foray in pursuance of an almost docile transformation agenda of GEJ? I'd bet just a few. Practical minds would argue that it was a mere waste of time and resources, considering the fact that no one is actually talking about implementing the recommendations from that exercise. The conference highlighted how GEJ's administration traipsed in confusion, because, Nigerians at the time actually neither needed nor deserved another boring round of committee-ing and clichéd recommendations, they needed impulsive and interventionist implementation of ideas that simply stemmed from commonsense. #DoroWasted
The NIS Recruitment SHOCK!
The standout instance that boldly highlighted the crux of unemployment amongst Nigerian youths, a problem that remain unsolved still or even worsened, despite the 6 years of GEJ's trumpeting of transformation. Over 6.5 million youths gathered at different locations in the country to jostle for just 4,000 Nigerian Immigration Service jobs. Graft, grit, tears, sweats, dearth and death, were the unfortunate markers of an occurence that sent shock waves across the entire nation. #HowDidWeGetHere?
When GEJ Chose to Brandish his "Ph.D"....
GEJ: you these students, I am a Ph.D holder, and I boldly tell you today that stealing is not corruption, and vice versa.
Students: huh?
GEJ: calm down, lemme explain na. You see, as a government official, when you steal, you are not corrupt, but when you are corrupt, you're not stealing...
Students: ha!
GEJ: (thinking)...wait oh, wetin I dey yarn sef...which kain monkey tail I take today sef, ..,but, I thought I asked Abati to get the original one..be like say this one wey I take so don expire oh, e dey turn my belle and my head too....ooooh
Students: sir.,,Sir...you were saying. ...,Sir!
GEJ: yes, yes, yes,,,,,,,errrr. ...there you have it.
#OMG!
Well, WE WON SOMETHING
AFCON. Yes, under GEJ's watch, the Nigerian football team won the African Cup of Nations trophy in 2013. And, yeah, the squad members were rewarded with billions in cash and kind, despite the palpable poverty in the land. #iCan'tHearAnyApplause
My Conclusion.
In fairness to GEJ, I'd agree that leadership isn't an easy task, but, it is also not rocket science. GEJ took up office when Nigeria needed graceful and impactful leadership, but he didn't just have that kind of nous, and it was a pity, we paid dearly for it.
A school of thought describes governance as a system whereby the primary responsibility of any government is the provision of security and total welfare for its citizens; it is pretty basic and straightforward, no overanalytic nonsense. And, in the past 6 years, Nigeria citizens have not really had this luxury. This makes it bemusing to still have some funny idealists that claim to see a hero in this obtuse-looking man with an ijaw hat.
Dear GEJ apologists, truth must be told, we can't just remain stuck at playing nice with incapability, it's becoming a neocolonizing platitude.
Permit me to utter some of these next lines in my Yourba lingo, to carry the weight of how I feel graphic details.
E pa t'ote ti (shun sentiments),
E gbagbe aroye (shun overt analysis),
E ma je ki a fi ete le, lati maa pa lapalapa o, (let us not beat about the bush)
Arun oju re, ko ki n se arun imu, (this is so clear, even to the blind)
No new ports, no new refineries, no new major highways, Lagos-Ibadan express way remains uncompleted, no new major bridges, still grappling with fuel issues, little or no new federal housing units, it hurts so much we are back to where we were 6 years ago as regards electricity (some would argue it's worse.,oh! how could one forget that "AMANPOUR MOMENT", where GEJ swore we had stable power in Nigeria. #SMH). In short, Nigerians suffered further for the lack of basic and social amenities...It is quite clear.
E jor, ki la wa fi odindi odun mefa she? (Please, what did we then achieve in 6 years?)
Well, I guess as 15.5 million Nigerian voters would also agree, this was a blind date that lasted too long and turned out painfully awful.
#ByeByeToJatiJati
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