Sayo Aluko (Friday, January 14, 2011)
As
our bus approached this acclaimed innocuously uncivil city generally-revered
for infamy in many sorts, I was curious, expectant and a little bit
felt as if I needed an extra sense of security. The situation was
exacerbated by my resident aunties, who kept calling and saying " Sayo, hold
my bag very well oh"…But,really, something in me repetitively intoned that Warri town isn’t all about this its hyped reportage of dis-courteousness.
Throughout my 21 days in this land, I saw that she’s largely, yet, a microcosm of differing shapes, depending on your vintage and vantage point. From all the experiences, I concluded that she’s a land of the better, the worse, and the uglier,…not just the good, the bad, & the ugly.
Their Lifestyle---
Warri, being the crown capital of the Niger Delta, anything generally accepted there, is believed to be an extension of things widely acceptable throughout d region. All that defines them is hustle, hustle, and hustle in all kind of forms both imaginable and also unimaginable. Their crave for getting money, “easy moni" as they call it, will leave you gobsmacked. Their lack of respect for each other will make your forget d existence & definition of culture. Their ingenuity in carving illegality as legality both in commerce & language, will make u feel as if u need rehab. Their quest for endless edgy pleasure of/in every query-form, will make u feel so holy like a No.1 heaven candidate.
D “BETTER”--- Warfarians, as they fondly call themselves, truly are warriors in most facets. They show characteristic relentlessness in their causes. It’s ‘cos of this fact, dt u see most of them always expressing their gross desires to be independent; it’s quick to hear them chant phrases like “na ur money?”, “na my body na”…,they just want to do everything on their own, & most times,it works for them. Also d correct Warfarian possesses this perceptive glance, dt gives d ability to make almost perfect views abt anything seen. Plus , they are sincere people, sincere with their weaknesses and strengths, they rarely fake it. They are also technically witty in their own ways. For example, in Warri, running a football viewing center biz is needless. They all, I mean ALL of them (both ‘pako’ & ‘butty’) watch choice cable TV stations in d comfort of their homes & even their stores; not b’cos they’re all rich, but it’s b’cos it’s incomprehensibly cheap. Jst pay 500(five hundred) naira per month & u’ll watch a choice& rich blend of Dstv/Hitv/Viasat 1 stations,d most exclusive Supersport channels inclusive! How they do it, I don’t know (…and it’s not as if I duly approve of this.looooool)
D “WORSE”---Warri is dirty. Without exaggeration, I can boldly say dt they are a twin to d Pig in terms of “cleanliness”, ’cos even in d “tush” places, their drainages are a stagnant-load of wet dirt & debris. Thruout my stay, I kept wondering how an epidemic hasn’t occurred still. Also, d typical Warri niche is too nonchalantly set up & too pleasurably laced to an extent dt it will take a Herculean effort for any person who grows there, to have d penchant for thorough & sound education. It isn’t as if they don’t go to sch, but they do so with deep apathy, only very few ones make it into tertiary levels, thus, most of them end up as artisans. Then, teenage & youth life is jst somehow; hardly wil u see a lad with a normal hair-cut nor wil u see a lass with a modest make-up. Almost all d young guys I saw had d currently raved “Gallas-like” hair-cut, while d young girls too always wear more than necessary make-up dt make them look like badly designed LCD TVs. Both sexes mostly wear “pencil this & pencil dt”. They’re jst too superficial for my liking! Again in Warri, they live too hazardously. For example, d Premium Motor Spirit (commonly known as Petrol) is freely hawked without fright in kegs & bottles & also sold in kiosks like a domestic commodity.
D “UGLIER”--- Sincerely, I haven’t seen a so much vulgar society as dt of d Warri conurbation, vulgar both in language and cravings. Their crave for sexual pleasure bludgeons morality into utter dungeons. Their standard for a girl’s beauty detests me. In Warri, it’s not d character or even d face(if thinking physical), rather, d moment a girl possesses a heavily-architectured backside, either flaccid or turgid, she’s d toast of d guys…(& most times, d “thing” is even flaccid,,,,looool). For most teenage girls I saw, their believe for maturity is sex, so, hardly will u find a chaste teenage girl around. If u find one, she‘ll be feeling inferior. The guys bliv dt since d females’ population outnumbers d male, they have d right to multiple-date, worse enough,d girls also bliv dt it’s true& they seldom have any problem wit dt. Also,I saw dt d University of Pick-pocketing & Rabid theft is situated in IJABA (d part of Warri, infamous for d learning of near-perfect ways for theft).According to d stories given, u dare not wear ur jewellery b4 arriving at an event,u’ll have to keep it &then use it when u get to d venue. It’s dt bad! Because of their strong desire for ever-flowing pleasure,u'll find a beer parlour after every 10-mile distance...So,I wasn't bemused when i found out dt d "wealth" of d average Warfarian is thrice more volatile than methylated spirit.In a minute,u'll see them shouting,.."...i don hammer..",,&then,in d split minute,u'll be hearing..."..wetin i go com chop sef,..hunger oh,.."... Really,it is not as if i'm a "VILIFIER" of d Warri enigma,rather,i'm simply trying to balance my experiences in this mesh-work. And i'll really advice dt this piece shouldn't be misconstrued as d perfect precis for all dt Warri can be or has ever been. I say there's more to come frm me abt my experiences wit this clan of both ingenuous & ingenious homo sapiens,in d 2nd part of my Chronicles of Warri- d beta,d worse,&d uglier. THANKS 4 reading... ...loooool
Throughout my 21 days in this land, I saw that she’s largely, yet, a microcosm of differing shapes, depending on your vintage and vantage point. From all the experiences, I concluded that she’s a land of the better, the worse, and the uglier,…not just the good, the bad, & the ugly.
Their Lifestyle---
Warri, being the crown capital of the Niger Delta, anything generally accepted there, is believed to be an extension of things widely acceptable throughout d region. All that defines them is hustle, hustle, and hustle in all kind of forms both imaginable and also unimaginable. Their crave for getting money, “easy moni" as they call it, will leave you gobsmacked. Their lack of respect for each other will make your forget d existence & definition of culture. Their ingenuity in carving illegality as legality both in commerce & language, will make u feel as if u need rehab. Their quest for endless edgy pleasure of/in every query-form, will make u feel so holy like a No.1 heaven candidate.
D “BETTER”--- Warfarians, as they fondly call themselves, truly are warriors in most facets. They show characteristic relentlessness in their causes. It’s ‘cos of this fact, dt u see most of them always expressing their gross desires to be independent; it’s quick to hear them chant phrases like “na ur money?”, “na my body na”…,they just want to do everything on their own, & most times,it works for them. Also d correct Warfarian possesses this perceptive glance, dt gives d ability to make almost perfect views abt anything seen. Plus , they are sincere people, sincere with their weaknesses and strengths, they rarely fake it. They are also technically witty in their own ways. For example, in Warri, running a football viewing center biz is needless. They all, I mean ALL of them (both ‘pako’ & ‘butty’) watch choice cable TV stations in d comfort of their homes & even their stores; not b’cos they’re all rich, but it’s b’cos it’s incomprehensibly cheap. Jst pay 500(five hundred) naira per month & u’ll watch a choice& rich blend of Dstv/Hitv/Viasat 1 stations,d most exclusive Supersport channels inclusive! How they do it, I don’t know (…and it’s not as if I duly approve of this.looooool)
D “WORSE”---Warri is dirty. Without exaggeration, I can boldly say dt they are a twin to d Pig in terms of “cleanliness”, ’cos even in d “tush” places, their drainages are a stagnant-load of wet dirt & debris. Thruout my stay, I kept wondering how an epidemic hasn’t occurred still. Also, d typical Warri niche is too nonchalantly set up & too pleasurably laced to an extent dt it will take a Herculean effort for any person who grows there, to have d penchant for thorough & sound education. It isn’t as if they don’t go to sch, but they do so with deep apathy, only very few ones make it into tertiary levels, thus, most of them end up as artisans. Then, teenage & youth life is jst somehow; hardly wil u see a lad with a normal hair-cut nor wil u see a lass with a modest make-up. Almost all d young guys I saw had d currently raved “Gallas-like” hair-cut, while d young girls too always wear more than necessary make-up dt make them look like badly designed LCD TVs. Both sexes mostly wear “pencil this & pencil dt”. They’re jst too superficial for my liking! Again in Warri, they live too hazardously. For example, d Premium Motor Spirit (commonly known as Petrol) is freely hawked without fright in kegs & bottles & also sold in kiosks like a domestic commodity.
D “UGLIER”--- Sincerely, I haven’t seen a so much vulgar society as dt of d Warri conurbation, vulgar both in language and cravings. Their crave for sexual pleasure bludgeons morality into utter dungeons. Their standard for a girl’s beauty detests me. In Warri, it’s not d character or even d face(if thinking physical), rather, d moment a girl possesses a heavily-architectured backside, either flaccid or turgid, she’s d toast of d guys…(& most times, d “thing” is even flaccid,,,,looool). For most teenage girls I saw, their believe for maturity is sex, so, hardly will u find a chaste teenage girl around. If u find one, she‘ll be feeling inferior. The guys bliv dt since d females’ population outnumbers d male, they have d right to multiple-date, worse enough,d girls also bliv dt it’s true& they seldom have any problem wit dt. Also,I saw dt d University of Pick-pocketing & Rabid theft is situated in IJABA (d part of Warri, infamous for d learning of near-perfect ways for theft).According to d stories given, u dare not wear ur jewellery b4 arriving at an event,u’ll have to keep it &then use it when u get to d venue. It’s dt bad! Because of their strong desire for ever-flowing pleasure,u'll find a beer parlour after every 10-mile distance...So,I wasn't bemused when i found out dt d "wealth" of d average Warfarian is thrice more volatile than methylated spirit.In a minute,u'll see them shouting,.."...i don hammer..",,&then,in d split minute,u'll be hearing..."..wetin i go com chop sef,..hunger oh,.."... Really,it is not as if i'm a "VILIFIER" of d Warri enigma,rather,i'm simply trying to balance my experiences in this mesh-work. And i'll really advice dt this piece shouldn't be misconstrued as d perfect precis for all dt Warri can be or has ever been. I say there's more to come frm me abt my experiences wit this clan of both ingenuous & ingenious homo sapiens,in d 2nd part of my Chronicles of Warri- d beta,d worse,&d uglier. THANKS 4 reading... ...loooool
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